It's the End of the World...

Supermodel Naomi Campbell has delivered the definitive interview of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to British GQ magazine.

Her insights are just shy of revolutionary: Chavez thinks Fidel Castro is the world's most stylish leader; he likes Prince Charles, but believes Camilla isn't all that hot; and he would be happy to appear topless in a photo.

In her critical analysis of "Hugh Chavez, the man," she's quoted as concluding, "I found him to be fearless, but not threatening or unreasonable."

Phew.  So now we know the truth.  The implications for our planet are immense:

• The fashion world could be rocked by a wave of olive drab cardboard guerrilla hats and fatigues.  Stay on the lookout for cosmetics companies joining the rebellion with spray-on sweat stains and grime
• The rule of England's House of Windsor could be in jeopardy, as the Duchess of Cornwall attempts to prove Chavez wrong and, in not turning the other cheek on the topic of her babe-ness, moves a nation to turn away in fright
• Geopolitics might be destabilized by a possible arms and legs race between Chavez and Russia's Vladimir Putin, challenging one another to appear in photos revealing ever-more muscle groups.  Bravado could displace nuclear weapons, with global tensions poised on a literal hair-and-freckle trigger

The effects Campbell's revelations will have on U.S.-Venezuelan relations could be even greater.

"I hope Venezuela’s relations with America will improve in the immediate future," she writes in her typical hard-nosed reporting style, and then makes the tantalizing observation that Chavez imagines Bush as if in a dream, "...like a fairy tale, the emperor is naked."

Is this an olive-branch from Hugo to George, or something much more?

You can just see the headline in the New York Post:

Venezuelan Thug Admits Love Thang for Bush. 

Settled peace and violent wars have emerged from lesser declarations of intent.  It is shockingly profound to know that the world order could be balanced so precariously on this sharp, razor's edge of unrequited passion.

I want to know why we're only getting to these truths now, after years of enduring what passes for responsible reporting in the media (and even irresponsible reporting in the blogosphere)?

We need to make changes:

• Get Lindsay Lohan to interview Osama Bin Laden
• Recruit Paris Hilton to examine the mortgage crisis
• Ask Miley Cyrus to work with the UN to clarify what's really going on with global warming, or figure out what Roger Clemens had injected into his butt

Thankfully, Campbell promises more for GQ, and will interview other "...high-profile figures in politics, sports, and entertainment" in her role as a contributing editor.

But she needs help. 

Dim bulbs of the world unite!